there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
