did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
