anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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