Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
