I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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