The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
