i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
