so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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