I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
