I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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