OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
