He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
