Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
