today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
