You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
