I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
