Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
