i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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