the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
