We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
