I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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