Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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