Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
