just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
