I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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