she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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