it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
