I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
