i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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