Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
