im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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