I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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