I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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