11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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