Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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