i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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