I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
