No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've blown a few things in my day
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
