Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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