Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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