Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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