he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
