Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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