my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
