please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
