In the future we'll all be gay
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
