Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dignity is for republicans.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
my poor anus
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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