Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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