Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
