I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
