I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
