You really coming over, don't trick.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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