Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think your dad took our porno
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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