Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
