it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
