i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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