i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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