like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
