Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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