There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
