Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
