I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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