i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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