I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
