Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
