i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
