The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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