just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The ass gains better be worth it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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