He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
