if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
