She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
