It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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