white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
