you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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