Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
