what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
