My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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