So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
