My liver just broke up with me...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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