Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
